


Hallelujah

by dean_n_pie



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, idk how this happened but it did, kind of coda to 5.13, mentions of depression, number-fic, trigger-warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-22
Updated: 2013-09-22
Packaged: 2017-12-27 08:03:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/976394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dean_n_pie/pseuds/dean_n_pie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin and Arthur through the ages.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hallelujah

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a kinda-sorta sequel to one of my other fics (At The Last) but it can stand alone. It’s 1am and I was struck with inspiration. So yeah. Angst (as per usual), 2nd person POV (I can only write from Merlin’s POV don’t judge me). 
> 
> Okay enjoy :)

1500 years you’ve spent on this earth. Together, for the most part. Him always leaving you first. He never gets to outlive you.

x

1000 tears shed after he passes. And although you know he’s still gonna come back to you, it still hurts. Each time hurts a little bit less. But you still have a hole inside once hes gone.

x

500 lifetimes. Every variation. Some you end up together, some you don’t. Some, you never meet until the end. Others, you’re together from the beginning. Always close. He never remembers. Only you are burdened with the memories of what you once were.

x

400 lies. About who you are, about what you are to him. About menial things. About past lives and loves. About him. His true destiny. And the part you are destined to play in it.

x

300 betrayals. The ones where he learns about you. The ones where he leaves you for her. The ones where he leaves her… for you. Those are the ones you’re not certain are real - you might have dreamt those once upon a desparate time.

x

200 lives lived into old age. Where you both are happy. And there’s no one that threatens your relationship with him. You get married, buy a house, and adopt 2.5 kids. There’s lies and fights but it just makes your bond stronger. You and he are unbreakable, in these lifetimes. But in your darkest times, you wonder if you’re dreaming these up too.

x

100 times you hit your lowest point. When you’ve wondered if its not worth it. To end it now. To finally put an end to your pain after he leaves.

x

50 times you try it. But you never succeed. Call it fate, destiny, magic, ~~interfering dragons~~ , it never works all the way. And maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe it’s not. You can’t tell anymore.

x

40 times when you’re of vastly different ages. When hes a young child and you are his old caretaker. These hurt the most. Because he won’t even look at you after reaching his teenage years, aside from making a sarcastic comment to his friends. But you bear it. And somehow, tragedy still takes him before you.

x

30 times you’ve prevented the death of his mother. These are the happiest. Even if he isn’t with you. Because this is him changed: glowing, radiant, suffused with love and protection, and just as willing to give it out. These are your favorite lifetimes.

x

20 years old. The youngest age he’s ever been when he died. Car crash, of all things. You were in the car with him. This was one of the 50 times when you wonder.

x

10 times you’ve tried to tell him about his locked-away memories. The first ten lives. You learn quickly. He never trusts you after you mention this.

x

9 times your friends aren’t reincarnated with you. These hurt too. Because you miss them and he never remembers what to miss. You’re alone in your own grief.

x

8 times he took his own life. These are your darkest memories.

x

7 times your father was alive instead of your mother. You’re still not sure whether the switch is worth it. But he teaches you things that your mother would never have known. And it’s new. And different.

x

6 times you’re both orphans. And you grow up together. Closer than blood brothers. You both are all the other has to rely on in the world.

x

5 times you don’t regain your memories until the very end. Where you live your life happy and content, not tormented by memories of your past lives.

x

4 times when you think you see him. Only to be tricked by your own mind.

x

3 looks over your shoulder. At the cafe, where he’s staring at you, a look of disbelief on his face. Disbelief, love, longing, and desperation.

x

2 words.  
“You’re back.”

x

An exhalation.  
“Arthur.”

Because this time, something is different.

 

He remembers.


End file.
